GUESS WHO’S BACK

“Did anyone sat here?” (Seriously, that gbagaun just made me fall off my chair and if you are wondering who said it, it was said with an acquired cockney accent ) … *Yawns*… Feels so good to breathe the air here, for a while I thought I had died, so many death stories , one would think rapture is a gradual process(this was typed with a straight face).. D news just gets me moody, my happy amebor moments just faded away, thank God for prayers, I fasted and prayed for weeks, waiting to hear ‘the word’ so I can share. Not sure if words is back but I am back, I bet u will love me either ways ;)…
So, quick question, who missed me? Well, I know you are too shy to accept how u feel about me , I promise I won’t tell anyone about those funny mails and those perverted things u send to me, I promise u are safe, I am serious about not munching our bbm chats, also, believe when I say ur typos are safe with me and that I don’t record every silly blunder your royal lawyer self utters. Yeah, I know I am nice like that *fans self*.
Did I tell you my grandma glasses got missing? Oh, I didn’t? Well, It did o and getting a lens that is as telescopic and microscopic hasn’t been easy (at this juncture, it would be nice of y’all to raise funds for a new one cos I am also a bwari child, *adjusts halo*).
Wait o! Why is Bwari not like Lagos sef, I have to keep my nose to the ground to get anything close to a piece of news here but in Lagos, everyday is live nollywood. Just when the students were recovering from the news of the lady that birthed bomboy in class during lectures, another student , very zealous one I suppose, decided some flavour still needed to be added,and so he contributed a blinding slap on the upper posterior part of a chick in class;long story short, she was rihannaed… ( don’t ask where I get my news from, I have tentacles everywhere).
People will not kill me with laugh o, so, I was going about my business trying to be certified as Nne Lawyer 1 of my village when this babe raised her hand to answer a question (don’t go blaming me, I wouldn’t raise my hand to answer a question if I was clueless, that would make me very much like the Nigerian leadership) and convicted a suspect in the legal opinion she presented; baby, wait till you are a member of the Bench biko. And the hajia in front also makes my heart bleed with dumb answers (Ma, not you oo, there are many hajias in front). *runs to hide*… N.B: if you are looking for me, I will be lost in some crowd occupying Nigeria, yes, my blood is green is like that.