4 D FOOD B4 US…

Today is all gonna be about dinner, I know you have waited a while for it. I just hope I serve it better than the ‘dinner’. I am already running late o (*flashes gateman my million dollar smile* , so he’ll allow the bike man take me pass the gate to my hostel). *Runs into my room to change while reciting (The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not mess up, He made me go through worse times and this too I shall survive, I shall win the battle at the place of ‘forks and spoons’.. *wipes sweat*)
*Exhales*… I completed my looks with a dazzling smile, looked myself in the mirror and fell in love with me again( don’t call me vain jare, y’all are guilty too 😉 ), I need to call Musa to pull out the car , “Tiwa, are you ready?” , I heard Collin’s baritone from behind, we are running late for the state dinner(or so I thought).
Stella!!! Bami’s crude voice nudged me back to reality. I rushed through the whole black without trimming and embroidery sombre suit, black shoes, no dangling earrings, no beads, no hair extensions, no sexy lingerie(infact no undies at all in the process).
By the time I got out of the hostel, the sight I beheld was breathtaking, it looked like a progression of “Ebony Casket undertakers” on their way to a state funeral, only difference is they bore no bodies, purses were also not allowed.
I have a thing for mischief so I had my fingers crossed for drama because it was the only colour the nights of ‘Black’ needed.
Most of us got checked in without hitch, girls pulled off d requirement to ‘look ugly’ nicely, I also didn’t forget my grandma glasses, it helps my fading vision, its lens is both telescopic and microscopic.
I was really gonna shut up about this and allow the drama dat unfolded in the dinning hall to stay in the dinning. Matter of fact, I can’t. Tell me what part of the story u wanna hear. The drama in the hall or the one after. Long and short is it was a farce , d body of benchers left disappointed :(. D dinner is over and one would expect life to continue abi? But seriously I wonder why people love the taste of their tears just after the milk got spilled.*mscheeewww*(tries to wipe the disgust off my face). Ok. So I got to class and overheard one of the elders’ association saying most peeps are too immature to be in NLS( I wonder as dat one take relate to dinner), I suggested in my mind for her to contest for Senate, maybe she can push the bill for the possession of a first degree before LLB . *sideeye*.
Back to what took place inside the dinning hall jare, Omo! the fork and knife thing na strong thing o, the babe that sat down beside me decided the shower she had before the dinner was not enough so she took a ‘rice’ bath. Fuckups was dressed in black suits and shoes, *chuckles*.
Walahi! people deserve awards and shoutouts. My first shout out goes to all the peeps that took the soup but suddenly got too filled to take the rice(I saw you @ mammy @ night o). A big shoutout to all the peeps that suddenly didn’t like chicken much. Shoutouts to all my brothers that found use for their suit pockets( we know say na inside am some of una hide meat). Shout outs to all those who suddenly became vegetarians, May ur life be evergreen. And my major shoutout tonight goes to those that used the soup spoon all through ‘Tuale’. To the chic who felt the dishes served were befitting for her dogs buh cleared her plates;I wonder for you o. To people like me who chose that day to fast,wat can I say? God comes 1st 😉
Heard the second day dinner was much better though and as always our brothers from over the seas and deserts took all the glory. I don’t v much to say on that,our brothers have said it all. In their words “the difference is clear,the nigerian students had theirs and we had ours. The difference is clear,yeah?” (In Bangladesh accent).

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21 QUESTIONS…

I try very much to mind my business in this dead end that I am stuck in for the next nine months( God knows I try). Even when I am getting distracted, I hear Papa’s voice saying ‘I need u to read well so as to claim our family land from the Ojogbo clan; but these lawyers won’t allow me *sobs.
Aunty Ogo told me only smart people become lawyers but the kain questions wey some aspiring lawyers been they ask me just dey make my head ache (pops two tablets of paracetamol, Ouch! My head still aches, *takes the whole damn sachet.. relieved).
As I was saying being dumb is a trait no lawyer is allowed to portray.
The post today is gonna be a little different, it will be in form of questions and answers———————————
(A person is walking under the hot sun dressed in black suit and shoes,Agaba in hand) My dear aspiring colleague asked “Are you a student here?”. Noooo, I came here to greet the DG.
You see someone at Marlima on the queue and u ask “Do u wanna eat?” No ooo, I came to watch the match. *mumu somebody. I am brushing my teeth on the balcony, then u ask “is that your room?” No,it is not, its the teeth brushing room. *ode..
You came into the class past 9 and there are books on some seats in the first row and then ur royal mumu self asks “Is this seat taken?” No o, your reg no is on it. *mscheeew… I am in the library at 8pm, head deep in books, then you ask, “You came to read?” Nooo, for what now, I came to grab a bite ni. You wear a brown shirt on a grey skirt for classes and u ask me “do u think my outfit is fit and proper?” Of course now,u look sombre.
Bob Osamor just introduced Tahir Mohammed as the DG, then you ask “Is that the DG?” No oo, na my papa for village. *make I give u slap. It is Monday and you ask me, what do we have today, this is your fourth week here, duh!!!
And finally,for the authors who in their acknowledgement say “to my darling wife , what would I have done without you? ” *scoffs* dear, you would have written more brain damaging books. NB: our Bar 1 students are rubbing off on us nicely o,the other day,1 of our very own said ‘courrrt starrnd’ in the most astonishing of ways. *thumbs up bebe*.
*Bows, I need to go now. Off to the tailor at Mammy for the measurement of the suit I will wear for dinner.